Three weeks ago, the father of my two sons and grandfather to our five granddaughters lost his battle with cancer and passed away. While we had gone our separate ways after our divorce 30 years ago, we had found a friendship again over the past 18 months of his illness. I was there with chicken soup, when he was able to eat again after a very major 10 hour operation. I was also able to provide support to our two sons as they stood helpless, beside their once-strong father, now helpless and vulnerable, plugged into beeping machines in intensive care. I also accompanied him, and one of our sons, sharing with him his desire to have one last adventure - an underwater dive trip in Papua New Guinea. And most importantly, I was there alongside my sons, when he was finally at rest.

My ex-husband was a very wealthy and a very, very colourful character. He had a complexity that often confused relationships with those closest to him. He had a gift of charisma that could light up a room and an irreverence that could empty the same room in a heartbeat.

His funeral was a testimony to his colourful life, two of his three wives attended, so did his five children. The real wealth and texture of his life was evidenced by the diverse collection of family and friends from all walks of life who attended and who will certainly miss him.

While the circumstances leading up to his passing were challenging and confronting, I feel privileged that I could be there, as a comfort to him and a support to our sons. When lives divide, and relationships fracture, there is often a residue of blame and feelings that cannot be navigated. I'm glad that I let go of mine a long time ago, exchanging those negative ones for compassion, love and understanding. It's best not to regard our own life as our enemy, for throughout a lifetime we make many mistakes that become our learnings' .

I encourage you to embrace the following as I now do:

• Dance - as though no-one is watching you
• Love - as though you have never been hurt before
• Sing - as though no-one can hear you
• Live - as though heaven is on earth

Yvonne Row, September 2010